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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Mary's LiveJournal:

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Friday, December 18th, 2009
11:19 pm
I got my new laptop on Tuesday so I'll be online more often now. I don't know about coming here. I do have a google blog "Hoy hoy sissy!" since I go check out the tdiblogspot a whole lot. I'll probably post there more. My pumkin was up ^^ under the Nov. 2 entry. I didn't win.

Current Mood: frustrated
Friday, January 30th, 2009
10:29 am
Thanks for adding my new journal to your friends list guys. Now if I can only figure out why it's not letting me type up an entry. Why this one and not the new one? and just how many penicillins did they give me? that strep throat was gone a week already and there's still half a bottle! (I had scarlet fever. what is this 1875?) and when's it going to quit snowing?
Friday, January 23rd, 2009
11:08 am
Try Again Later
I made a new lj that I intend to stick with. It's totodromaeylund if you want to add me as a new friend. You know, if you still consider me as a friend. Which I still consider you all as. Forget the past already. I want a new beginning. I'm so done with online dating but it doesn't mean I can't make friends:) Please reconsider. Don't be mad at me.

Current Mood: sick
Wednesday, June 11th, 2008
9:43 am
Tell my brother and his friend to stop eating all the food in the house. Since when do you need to eat everything in the refridgerator, go to dinner at Friendly's, have a "big" ice cream for dessert, and still bring a cheeseburger and fries home? I had no idea what to eat. I'm looking in alternative places for food. Lunchables for dinner because they ate everything!! What the hell do you call that?!!

Current Mood: hungry
Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
1:33 pm
My ass is itchy!
Hold up now shorty that's just a pile of !


I'm not one to get so fricken mad but those people at titansgo.net are seriously getting on my last nerve! All of a sudden you're the greatest thing if you "bought" which means you had to spend money on the last two Titan dvds and they'll send you prizes? It's their new contest? Oh and I suppose if I did buy one instead of The Batman Season 3 like I really wanted I would get shut down all over again huh? Asscracks. Why? Why do I get migraines? I just don't know, could it be because of stupid people like them?
1:21 pm
Losing Beast Boy is one thing but where the heck is Pando? I had him laying right next to me on Friday night and he was gone when I woke up the next morning! It makes no sense. I know I felt sick all last week with those stupid migraines coming and going, but I knew what I was doing with Pando. Remember? He had those stupid little barretts on his ears. I had to keep taking them on and off. I really need a haircut but haven't the money yet. I swear I get the migraines when my hair grows longer and creeps into my eyes, especially on the right side which always seems to grow quicker. Then the retarted hair of mine just never keeps the hair clips in, they keep insisting on sliding out no matter what. Pando's my Hamtaro hamster. What? The one I got at Burger King a few years ago. It's my security blanket. Like Helga used to be. But she got all ratty and people kept making fun so now I've got a Pando. I don't see the difference either. Or the difference of the Raven. At least the Raven can hide in my purse or my pocket.
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007
1:26 pm
It feels like there are a million little worms in my stomach. Things are still not going so well. Now I don't know what I did to myself. Haha, yeah ^o^ *nervous laughter* I didn't know they actually paid attention to my being in the letters page, I thought they were going to totally ignore it! Well, when I last checked before sending the snail mail nothing was there okay! And I didn't expect my dad to just get up and be alright so quickly, I mean, look at myself, I still feel like shit. I shouldn't have said what I said and no I'm not repeating it here and now I just want to run away and hide. Not like it was bad or anything it just makes me nervous, really nervous.

I keep feeling nervous in here too. Like one of the librarians are just going to throw me out for writing a lj entry and looking up Batgirl stuff. "How dare you enjoy yourself! Get to work!" Whoah, that Batman dvd is the coolest thing ever! And why would I waste money on the Teen Titan one when I've seen those eps like 800 times?! The Batgirl episodes are the ones I wanted to see and man are they awesome. She is a lot like me. Puny and everything. I'm just missing the red hair. Well, now I am, unless I go through with another makeover again. Aw come on, not again!

I got to check the news around the net though. I missed the last ep for this season and something weird about the JL is going to go on next year and I hope they don't get rid of Barbara or I'm going to be sad. That's like the only thing going in my favor lately.

running out of time:o

Current Mood: awake
Wednesday, March 21st, 2007
12:14 pm
I'm all constipated (yeah and it's NOT funny!) and stuff. Totally messed the hell up as usual. I wish things could get better. I hope the weather makes up it's mind soon and decides to stay warm already. I tried taking a walk last night and got sick halfway through it. Problem is, my usual route is full of snow and I can only walk in these stupid little white nursemate sneakers. I had to walk all the way back around feeling like shit. I have to start taking drinks with me. Too bad everyone in my family and my neighborhood for that matter is lazy. I can't get them to walk even when it's beautiful outside. I don't think they'd walk if there were people handing out free gifts and money all over town, they'd just get me to walk for them. I need excersize badly.

How the heck do I keep forgetting to mention! I'm going to be an Aunt and a Godmother very soon! My big sister is having a baby, his name is going to be Sidney. He's coming real soon, it could even be today. And in June my cousin is having her second baby, she's naming him Ryan and she asked me to be his Godmother. Why do I keep forgetting this? My sister isn't even fat. The only thing fat is her belly. Just like the only thing fat on me is my ass. But Sidney's just about the only boy's name I liked. What do I do if I ever have a boy? Hoy hoy. That's another bad part about not having anything, you think my cousin has anything? She doesn't even remember who the father is? I wish I could help with baby clothes and stuff. And my sister has two jobs, I don't know what her boyfriend does but he has some sort of job too. Maybe it's time to think about my own life.?.

Oh yeah, they don't really put Batman stuff in Teen Titan episodes, I was talking about "The Batman" it's only on Kid's WB, I set the vcr. CN only puts it on like twice a year. I only started watching the newest Batman cartoon because I think it's supposed to be the pre-Titans Robin who made came into the fourth season. Then they started taking new eps away and putting old eps on that introduced Batgirl and I realized Batgirl was a lot cooler than Robin could ever be. Plus there's that ep where she's all jealous that Batman had Robin as a new sidekick and she had to beg and beg to let him even trust her which sounds soooo familiar to me. And I was like whoah. I thought Raven and Terra were cool! Where was this girl all my life?! Then I find out her life seemingly gets ruined just like mine did about the time she was my age and everything. Last week I found a Birds of Prey comic at the farmer's market, Now I don't know what I like most! *head explodes*

Current Mood: cranky
Friday, March 9th, 2007
1:14 pm
I'll throw up on you if you want
The weather is finally warmer today after I rush out of the house in a big heavy coat to catch the bus. Actually, it's still cold, it's just warmer than it's been for the past few days. I am having a serious problem with my eyesight so forgive me if something is spelled wrong or whatever, I'm doing my best. I'm typing a short little entry here and then I'll see about going to eat somewhere before going to the eye doctors. They have to do all these weird tests with the weird looking machines and the eyedrops that make you see everything too brightly. Can't be any worse than this. It's like constantly having to deal with...well you know what it's like when you keep getting pictures taken then your vision gets screwed up for the next ten minutes? Its like that only it's been that way since Sunday. My neurologist said something about steroids are going to be needed to be presecribed to be taken through an iv, and that this is a much more serious problem than optic neuritis. Are you sure this isn't hell I"m living in? I feel so sick to my stomach, why's it so hard for me to eat anymore? Amd when I want to eat it seems like there's nothing around that I want. Ah, and when there is something I want, take macaroni and cheese for example, it tastes sooo bad anmymore thanks to that damn new headache medicine. It's like if I really was Gaz taster of pork. It's a little comedic because I'll eat or drink a favotite food and be like "oh my god eww!!" but iti's sickening at the same time, Im hungry. I didn't eat much to begin with and lets not forget it' s the season of lent. Not meat for my religion on wednesday of fridays. I was going to give up milkshakes but it's about the only calcium I get so I shouldn't.

Current Mood: sleepy
Monday, February 19th, 2007
1:42 pm
The Kam Chin/Barbara Gordon Era
Last week by far was the worst week of my life. I honestly thought I'd be underground by now. I thought my head was going to explode the way it hurt. That was thw worst migraine I ever had in my life. And when I called my neurologist's office to ask for immitrex samples they hollered at me for taking too many and told me to give the topamax time to work. Oh God! The pain was so bad I was crying. My parents drove me to the hospital on their way to work Friday morning where they gave me medicine through an iv. So I'm obviously okay now and not dead.

And two minutes left? damn...

So I've come to the conclusion that out of all television/book characters I am mostest like Kam Chin. That's right Kam Chin. The little chinese boy on C3K. And that's wierd because at the moment I'm totally in love with the Batman's Batgirl character and I feel bad because I think I like her for looking like me. I mean come on. She dresses exactly like me. And if that's not enough, her life's all promising but then a horrible tragedy happens and she ends up disabled just like me. So maybe I'm her. Barbara Gordon, or Kam Chin. Only you can decide. Or I can decide. I don't know Li'l D I don't know.

But like what if you were on a glider or a swing ride or rollercoaster for that matter and a mallard or swan or huge bird came whacking right into you and attacked you in the face? That's been my arguement all along! It happened to Fabio!

Current Mood: cold
Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
6:39 pm
No really. I don't think anyone ever takes my feelings seriously enough. I hate everything about my life right now. At least people who aren't sick can do what they need to and what they want to. They don't have to stay in bed all day feeling like they may die if they try to push themselves to do something. At least the other people my age who want to be comic artists don't have to be losers. They can go online and contact anyone they need to for advice. They can afford school. They know photoshop like the back of their hand. They can go to any comic con they want to. They have real lives, not like mine. I am such a loser. The way I look and feel, and I can't do nothing about it! God! And other people piss and moan about their lives! I have no one to talk to, I mean no one! No one in my family cares about comics or animation. They really don't even believe in me. They've given up just like I have. What the hell am I even doing here? What am I still living for? Only to get put down? Only to experience more torture? I'm really serious about needing friends and everything like that. Why does no one understand? And if you did I wouldn't be feeling this way. By the way, it's not like everyone's that damn busy that they can't even send me an e-mail or anything. Get real! So you've all been sooo busy over the last three years that you never once got a moment to contact me? But you have all the chat time in the world don't you?! And all the time in the world for each other? Well I won't have time for coming here anymore if the same shit keeps happening. I need attention too, I have feelings that get hurt too, you're interacting with a real live person here!
6:13 pm
I did actually find that Invader Zim dvd I wanted so much. All three of them as a 6 disc set. On sale at fye. Because people around here are too dumb to appreciate the great animation and incredible artwork that's why!

That's all great and everything, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm a miserable wreck. I just started crying last night out of nowhere. Maybe it was that stupid episode of Inuyasha, I think it was. Well it hurts really bad when no one cares like this. That's the way it feels even if it's not true. So why wouldn't I run away to some other forum where people are going to interact with me. You know, I don't have to say something and get ignored. And tough shit. If me signing up for that by mail present exchange with them is making anyone mad just remember this: you jerks won't even write to me! Why can't I make other friends?! Why can't I go away?! No one's going to miss me! It wouldn't matter. And if the deal is the best friend thing; me really needing someone to talk to and be here for me, why in the hell is that offensive or wrong?! I honestly am never coming back again if there's no response this time. I can't keep putting myself through this torment.

Current Mood: sad
Thursday, December 21st, 2006
5:57 pm
I think it worked anyway 0_0... um, if you know what's good for you, you will join my Class of 3000 fan club here on lj. It's the second one, I knew I should have did it sooner. Anyway my friends can join whether they like Class of 3000 or not. Go ahead, no one will be mad. It's the "kamkim3000" club. The asian kids, the ones like me, cause no one pays attention to them!

I want an Invader Zim dvd so bad for Christmas. Now that I've got a dvd player none of the stores seem to have any zim dvd left. It's not fair.
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
12:44 pm
I'm still alive just having trouble once more getting into e-mail. Oh yeahhh, I should have checked out deviantart shouldn't I? Drat, well I got to leave in about two minutes. There's always the rest of the week. Maybe Thursday or Friday as long as I wake up early enough.

I feel so bad that I get so tired all the time. My mother is so disapointed in me for not getting enough done around the house. She should understand that I'm sick, but I think people who know me have a really hard time realizing that. I'm not invincible but they suppose I am. Mom still thinks I'm that 8 year old making up excuses because I don't want to go to school.
Monday, November 13th, 2006
2:21 pm
This is what I mean about my life, it's so ridiculous! I can't access my e-mail, it just won't load. But I'm supposed to e-mail Wen cause I really want to. *sigh* I guess he's not even around anymore or just doesn't want to contact me. He did tell me he takes time off from being online once in a while. I don't know.

Lately I'm so miserable. Just thinking of how everyone keeps passing me by while I can't do anything. All of the people I went to school with and even their younger brothers and sisters, and my brother and sister, and Aggie, and Chris, everyones living real lives while I'm stuck at home with my parents. Yeah but it's pathetic. Talk about pathetic, I don't even have a clue what I'm doing with my artwork anymore. It's a joke compared to like everyone else's stuff. There are nine and ten year olds who are way better artists than me, it's true! I know what I want to do and have an extravagent epic story in my head, it's just that I haven't the right skills to draw it the right way. The whole Batgirl thing where I get to... you'd probably think it's weird. And the manga book I checked out, how to draw manga, it says most manga artists start when they are 18. So someone my age is ancient?

My dream is to go to Tokyo to study being a manga artist and become one. Anyone know how a miracle like that can happen?

Current Mood: relaxed
Thursday, November 9th, 2006
8:52 pm
I wanted to say things last week that I couldn't because my mind was all wierd and I kept blacking out. I'm just happy I got home in one piece, I almost passed out crossing the street. And there was no water or anything around. That's the last time I go without eating when I'm nervous like that. I was nervous today but everything worked out fine. I can't believe it only took less than an hour to get to wilkes barre. I thought it was really far away? Everythings far away when your parents don't believe in the interstate I guess.

I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have ever got myself and everyone worked up over a dumb secret. So what? I had a crush. I was just scared this time because no one would like it or understand why. It's not like I haven't crushed on most of the guys on my friend's list before. Like..? Like Dakota and Krag. Really, but they came and went like this last stupid one while Wen was always on my mind.

I think I just really have forgotten all the great times there were with him. It's not that I've stopped loving him. I could never stop it's impossible. And someday I'll work it out no matter who's gonna like it or not. Someday I'll be able to be with him. That is, if he forgives me and still wants to be with me too.

Current Mood: awake
Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
2:14 pm
October 17th was my parent's 25th wedding anniversary. Too bad there wasn't much I could give them. I always figured that I'd be able to throw them a party when this time came. Then I'd get to be all adult and set a party up all on my own. At least my Aunt and Uncle in Bethlehem took us out for dinner Sunday night. Why'd they take me and Stephen too? They didn't have to you know. It was kind of boring sitting there waiting at their house until the time they reserved us for. Because it's such a tiny house and I only had Bijou to be occupied with. I like sticking Pando in her cage and watching her chew the hell out of him. The adults stick with talking to the adults, while Stephen and Nicholas are close so they can talk to each other. I almost fell over during the church service, it's from taking those stupid motion sickness pills. I get so tired and can't even talk or think straight from taking them. But it's either that or have to sick.

In fact I got sick on the bus back from seeing my lawyer and that's why I have to stay at the library until my next bus comes back. Next thursday will be my hearing and I hope I at least get some idea of what it is I can do with my life. I'm not expecting they'd let someone as young as me on disability. I can walk and everything. Maybe it hurts when I walk but still.
Right now I feel lightheaded because I didn't have anything much for breakfast.

I'm still sorry for what I said earlier. I know one of the comments must be from Wen and I really don't think I want to know what it says. What happened is I'm never around and it really feels like no one cares because I get no e-mails or letters or anything. I need to realize that it must be hard for anyone to know what I'm going through. There's more to talk about but my mind went blank for some reason 0_0

You know, if Huey Lewis doesn't show up at all in that stupid 80's countdown then that's what's wrong with America.

Current Mood: sore
Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
1:21 pm
I haven't been feeling well lately at all. I keep getting cramps and pain in my arms and legs and I'm expected to do so much housework. I can't afford this.

I'm feeling bad about what I said in my last entry. Whether it's true or not, it's not a pleasant thing for anyone to learn. Especially that last part. While I feel really sorry another part of me is afraid to even see the reaction. The reaction is probably nothing. No comments, as usual. Then what am I supposed to do? Lay in bed all the rest of the day sobbing because none of you care?

Whoah, so this is what the normal people of 2006 get to have?! Invader Zim? every night!? Instead of having to go to bed early I can watch zim at 1am? (We only just now got digital cable with the extra nick channels)

Of course the only reason I like Invader Zim so much is because it reminds me of you. You people if any of you still have me as a friend on your page. I remember how everyone else liked it and I checked it out and it was so cool. It reminds me of a happier time, when people liked me for who I was, when I had friends, chatting every night, it was the greatest feeling of happines I ever had. But does anyone even care or know how much they mean to me? How being away is giving me nightmares and making me like a million times more miserable?

"You think you own ALL the cereal. Well you know what Dib? You don't, you just don't!"- why the hell was that so funny? I remember it being my sig for a while in like 2002... But when I heard it again and remembered it I busted out laughing. Because it was a really wonderful time in my life that's why. plus i was eating cereal.

Current Mood: depressed
Thursday, August 31st, 2006
4:50 pm
I really did have the worst birthday ever. My parents had to get into a huge arguement over the new washer and the fact that lowe's didn't set it up for us. How come every time some sort of tragedy happens they have to make things worse by argueing? And that damn hurricane was still headed right for us the last time I checked! We can't take another flood. Fema does suck, they sent people to look at the damage and they refused us for help.

My whole life's a disaster. Why'd I ever get online to hang out at that stupid forum and chatroom? I swear, you guys are worse than the jackasses I went to school with. And those people in school made my life a living hell. People always telling me how repulsive and ugly I am, at least no one pretended to be my friend. And no, I don't feel like at the moment romance and a man's touch are what I need. Wen I'm sorry but I feel like what I really need first of all is friendship. I need to know what it feels like to have a bond with someone. A responsibility as a friend should come before the responsibility of a lover. I'm 24 and I've never had a real friendship in my life! I want to have one of those. I want someone to say I'm like a sister to them and mean it. I want to be able to experience life with friends rather than all by myself like I've been doing.

That was sort of the secret... I know it makes no sense at all to anyone here but I had a crush on ...forau...and I still do and I don't know why and I know it's retarted especially considering what I just said. But so is wanting to be a comic artist when you'll never even get the fucking chance to visit a comic con.

Current Mood: pessimistic
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
1:14 pm
Now what do I do? I have an incredibly dark secret I have to let out and everyone is going to hate me for it. I mean really dark, not something trivial like I usually write about. And I don't want to hurt anyone here but it's most likely going to have all of you hating me, including Wen. I mean, think of the worst thing the secret can possibly be and that's it.
I've tried to really think hard about the decision and it always comes out the same way. Besides, the secret haunts my dreams. I'm dreaming about it like every night. I wish it wasn't true myself, how could I, considering the fact that it's completely irrational anyway, but I don't care. It's part of being so independant all the time, I want what I want or I'll be upset. Maybe I don't know how to be a real friend. Would a real friend do this?

Current Mood: worried
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